In honor of Lulu's post about her white trash ex-hubby, I give you Rit's Excersion into the world of White Trash.

The year was 2000, the place was the apartment Skywalker and I were about to move into. We both worked for this company and we were friends with the owners. They had just promoted me to property manager and said, "Hey we have a place that just opened up in such and such, you should move in. We are rehabing them and we would give it to you under going price." Hell yeah we will. We never went to look at it and Skywalker is from a little bitty town up north and I grew up in richy richy land and had no idea what lay beyond the west county borders. We drive and drive with our stuff a packed in tight. We pass this store called Dirt Cheap and cops, ambulance, firetrucks are swarming it. We turn onto our street just beyond the Dirt Cheap and as we pull up the street we see a bunch of ganster looking people hanging out on the porch of the duplex connected to our new home. We pull in the drive and step out of the truck. All eyes are on us. I hear an airplane fly by over head. I whisper to Skywalker "Hey, are we actually that close to the fucking airport!?" Skywalker "um, I guess." Me "We are going to die here." Skywalker "Stop being so dramatic." A voice from the porch "Hey fine thang. You moving your sweet ass in?" I stare at the ground wishing it would swallow me whole. Skywalker "What the fuck! Do you not see me standing here with my girlfriend? Don't you ever talk to her like that again." My life flashes before my eyes.

Out of nowhere I hear a woman's voice. "Hey you f*ers, leave em' alone." Walking towards me is a woman...I think. She has a mullet, missing teeth, a two year old on one hip and a beer in the other hand. It's 10:30 am. I mean, my people at least have the decency to hide the fact that they are drinking at 10:30 am. "Hi, I'm Bunny and this here is Tammy. We live two places down. I was just talking to my husband Clyde and we are so glad that yous are white. We need us some more whites on the street." My mouth drops open and I just stare at her. The "gangsters" about pissed themselves when they saw my horrified face. She never did seem to understand that I was offended by what she said.

Long story short, all the "coloreds" as Bunny likes to say were nice to us except the folks who ran the crack house across the street. It would seem that they didn't like the property manager living that close to their operation. But I saw alot. They invited us to go swimming one day, which intailed sitting in their kiddy pool and drinking Dirt Cheap beer. One day Bunny came over and knocked on our door. I made the mistake of answering it. "Hey, does your man know how to set up an air purifurer (pronounced fur)? We got one off the sidwalk. Tammy's been gettin her a smokers cough and we thought puttin this in hers room would help." Me "What? Your two year old smokes!?" Bunny "Ha ha, yous funny. It's from all the smoking me and Clyde do."

We got out of the lease 1 month after we moved in. We found out that the reason all the cops were outside of the Dirt Cheap the day we moved in was because all the employees were shot and killed. Gang related crime. Those happened alot out there.

G-ZUS LOVES MULLETS!!

REMEMBER G-ZUS LOVES YOU

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nice! spammers love white trash!

I have a white, or not really white, trash story: I went to college in the ghetto. I was a swimmer and we lived off campus. The house attached to ours had a speakeasy in the basement. Opened at 3am everynight. People would be stumbling out drunk as we left for 6am swimming practice. It was busted one time because a dead body was found in a closet. good times. good times.

Oy.

Andre and I lived in South Philly for a year. South Philly isn't all cheese steaks and hockey fans, let me tell you. It was so bad that we missed the days when all you'd hear about was a mob shoot up, because at least the mob kills with style. We had more people get shot on our block than I can remember. We also had the call the cops on six different occassions because the guy next door was beating his girlfriend to a pulp. We also had two hookers right on our corner, and Andre was standing in line at the chinese take out place downstairs when the old man in line in front of him got mugged.
Also, we had a crazy old homeless guy who stood outside our front door and tried to sell his shoes to everyone.
It was hell.

I've lived in the city before and since. This isn't the city...it's North County which is all gangs and dealers. I have friends who have lived in the city their whole lives that wouldn't set foot in North County.

Hey Popo, I need me some new shoes. Hook a sister up!

yeah, unfortunately he only sells them in ones. So if you need two shoes, I'd look elsewhere.

I want to call DCF on Bunny. Poor Tammy.

jeezus- reminds me of the place we lived in this past summer.

Whoa. You're brave-- I don't think I could have lived there in the first place. I'm glad it all went well in the end (well, except for Tammy, who's now 7 and on oxygen for her emphysema...).

That story was great! Closest I get to mullet town are at the local county fair. I pull up a bench and spend the day just watching the people, evesdropping on their conversations and eating beer battered deep fried cheese curds. But it doesn't compare to your story, you've got to have more....do tell.