When I was gestating Timmers, I was obsessed with everything baby. Learning the best things for me to eat and do while he was in the belly. Figuring out all the things I would do when he was out: baby yoga, sign language, co-sleeping, breast feeding, cloth diapering, etc. I spent hours pouring over the inter web, etching in stone how we were going to raise our offspring.

Then he was born...and reality bitch slapped me in the face and shoved some humble pie down my throat. Every new parent goes through it, the initiation into the I Just Want to Sleep and Pee Without an Audience Club. The complete understanding of why your parents did all those screwy things. Riding the high horse is not a luxury you can afford anymore. Mine happened when Timmers was 4 weeks old. I was sitting in my living room at 2 am pumping after I feed him from the bottle I swore I wouldn't give, filled with half breast milk and formula that I swore I would never feed him. My kid is great, but a horrible sleeper. Not only that, when he does sleep he makes a ton of noise. I had decreed that he was to sleep in the co-sleeper attached to our bed until he was weened from the breast no earlier than a year...but I hadn't slept for more than a hour in sucession for 4 weeks. So, he was banished from our room to sleep in his own. As I sat there trying to remember when the last time I showered was, thoughts started to race through my mind. It was every judgement I had ever expressed for my family/friend/random shopper's parenting choices. There were many. Reality, you are a cruel mistress.

We have done baby yoga, once. No sign language, unless you count Luke and I gesturing wildly at each other to BE QUIET I JUST GOT HIM TO SLEEP!!!!! Co-sleeping is when he wakes up too early and I drag him in to bed with me because Rit is still sleepy. Breast feeding-long story. Cloth diapering, yes. I have allowed my child to use my flip flop as a chew toy, much to the dismay of the germ-a-phob mom in my playgroup. He has a wicked temper and throws himself backwards, smacking his head on the ground when you take things away. She would have been much more horrified if I took said shoe away, he did that, and I told him that no one likes a cry baby.

Now when my friends without kids, horrified by watching someone let their kid do something they deem questionable, say "I will never let my kid do -insert thing they will probably let their kid do-!", I smile and nod. I know that someday at two in the morning they will remember this conversation and want to go hop in a delorean and shove those words back in their mouth. Especially since they are friends with me and I will say "Hey, Fanastic Parent, I thought you weren't EVER going to let your kids do that!" After you have kids, fewer and fewer things are black and white. Most things are gray or brown, because brown is the color of poop...which you will talk about more than you would have ever thought possible.

Today I stand tall and proud knowing that at some point in my child's life, I will ask him if this is his dirty bowl sitting on the coffee table, he will look at me and say "no", and I will say "did I ask if this was your bowl? Clean it up!!"

When I said "Tim, what are you doing?" He looks at me

Labels: crawling, milestones, Timmers

Alot has happened in my life since I vanished from the blog world. Um, let's see. We moved again. I took up running 5ks. I still don't smoke. Um..Let's see...um...oh yeah, I grew a baby in my belly and then expelled him from my womb. FYI-Epidurals are magic...pitocin is the devil.

On January 2, 2009 Mr Ritmeyer and I welcomed into the world Timothy Charles aka Beans. Labor was induced by several bowls of Rit's Super Spicy Deer Meat Chili. We are still pissed he screwed us out of an '08 tax deduction.

After 3 months of crappy sleep and getting pooped, peed and spit up on, I went back to work, ready to feel like me again. After 5 days I quit. Now I am a stay at home mom. Yes. Me. I LOVE IT!!!! I make homemade baby food, meals from scratch, garden, and cloth diaper my Beaners butt. I go to a stroller workout class on tuesdays, thursdays and Saturdays and have playgroup on Wednesdays. My highschool self would be horrified.

Because of this new career path my days are filled with poop and drool filled, open mouth baby kisses. Beans and I have many long, intellectual confabs about doggies, colors, the wheels on the bus, and whether we believe Lindsay is really a lez or just going through her version of "college experimentation". I believe a child is never to young to start reading to or watching E! News. I mean, how else is he going to learn to not tape himself having sex or being super wasted and making up porn names when he is famous?

El Beaner wanted to say hi to you. Here he is earlier today in his sweet new ride. It's roomy and still has that new car smell.

Labels: poop, SAHM

So yesterday I'm driving with a new friend of mine to a store, and I mentioned that I use to have a blog. A blog? Really...me? What did I...when did I...why did I...I sat staring out the front window, sitting on my knees with my hand in the backseat holding my son's binky in place. The memories came flooding back.

I haven't thought about you in so long, blog. Or the wonderful people I came to know and love. TinaPopo, Tim, Beebers, there are too many to list. So I came back to you blog and read and read. I laughed, I cried. I made a vow. I will blog again.

I still have thoughts. They are random, this side of normal and they now involve an eight month old...