Thank you Karla for this ingenius idea. She is one of my favorites!! Who gives a rats ass about good things about me? When Karla said to look deep within myself, I did. She's right, what is there is bad.

Half the folks in Blogland have a 100 Things list, in which they detail 100 miscellaneous facts about themselves, usually along the lines of "I love to cook," and "I'm a Scorpio." I looked deep inside me, and found there's just not much there. What is there is bad. Therefore, I give you my list of 100 Things Wrong With Me. To cut down on the odds that you'll fall asleep reading it, I've broken it up into parts. (from Karla, she is brilliant)

31-40

31. If there is a fan, I'm talking into it telling Luke "Luuuuke, I am your father!" I laugh like a hyenna. Then it reminds me of Tommy Boy and I do "fat guy in a little coat "or "house keeping you want me jerk you off?" and if someone looks at me weird I tell them to "Shut up Richard!" If we are with someone who has no idea what the hell I am doing, I will look at them with shock and disgust and promptly drive them to our house and make them watch it. If, god forbid, they haven't seen Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore they are in for a long evening.

32. My friend Maryanne and I look nothing alike, nothing. Some people confuse the two of us. Maybe it is because we used to be attached at the hip, I don't know. What we do know is we are alike in personality. This means when someone mistakes either of us, we manage at some point in the conversation to say some really inappropriate made up personal fact about "ourself" to shock the dumbass who doesn't know the difference between us.

Dumbass-Hey Maryanne
Rit- Hey Dumbass
Dumbass-How's work?
Rit-Good, how about you.
Dumbass-Good. So what have you been up to lately?
Rit- Jesus, I have been trying to get rid of a yeast infection for like 6 months and it iches like freaking crazy!
Dumbass-Uh, Uh that sucks, umm-Hey Jeff what's up (walks over to Jeff)

Then I find Maryanne and tell her what I said, we laugh like crazy. Later Dumbass comes up to Maryanne.

Dumbass-Hey Rit!
Maryanne-Hey Dumbass.
Dumbass- Where's Luke?
Maryanne- We got into a fight, so I don't give a shit.
Dumbass-That sucks.
Maryanne- Yeah, I just don't understand why he won't let me put that dildo up his ass!
Dumbass-Uhhh, Hey Jeff what's up! (runs to Jeff)
We laugh and laugh and laugh. When my husband and her boyfriend see us maniacally laughing they know, yes they do. We love messing with people.

33. Nuns still scare me. I will do everything to avoid them, cross the street, start a converstion with people I don't know, many things. I flinch when they move their hands, like at any moment they may produce a ruler and smack the back of my hand. When I see them, I straighten up, put my hands at my side, and start saying Hail Mary's and hope against hope that should they make me kneel down to see if my skirt is below my knee, that it is.

34. I love pickles. When I go out to eat with people and the food comes out with a pickle on the plate, I will ask them if they are going to eat their pickle before the plate is on the table. If you tell me no and then do not eat your pickle immediately, I will continue to ask you until you eat it or give it to me, whichever. My mom used to call me the pickle monster. Yep, that was a good day for Luke when he found that out.

35. My new favorite show is Deadwood. Skywalker and I discovered it ON DEMAND a few months ago. I never knew that the favorite word in the old west was cocksucker. I now like to mosy around calling people cocksuckers, refering to others as cocksuckers, greeting people with "How you doing, Cocksucker." My grandma smacked me in the head the other day when I greeted my 16 year old brother like that at a wake. What, not appropriate?

36. I love to download song ringtones and attach them to people. While this may seem a waste of money, time, and people patience who have to be around me when my phone rings, I can't help myself. I take great consideration as to what song goes with whom. Skywalker's is PIMP, hells yeah he is. My mom's is Pretty Woman cause she's pretty, My sister's has been Halleluhah cause her boyfriend finally asked her to marry her AFTER she moved back to St. Louis (away from Oklahoma where he lives). My super rebublican Dad is 50 cent's In da Club. My dad loves this song, boy can he break it down. When he calls I answer with "Hey shorty" then he says "It's my birthday" I then tell him that we are going to party like it's his birthday, then we talk like normal people. This friend I have is Liar by Henry Rollins. She likes to lie alot, I always call her on it. My no caller id ring is Gold Digger, and I need to change it because I dance to it and then I don't answer. Oh yeah I get down, cause "Yeah, she give me money! When I'm in neeheeheed...

37. I can't watch more than one football game in a day. While I do not consider this as being something wrong with me, Skywalker said that since I was listing things that were wrong with me this is one of them. If he wants to watch another game he must trade a reality show for said game. I love to barter.

38. I am scared of sharks. I love water sports and we go out on the Mississippi up in Louisanna MO all the time. I jump in the RIVER and strap on the wake board. I do all the fun trips around the RIVER , then I fall off. I pull my swimsuit out of my ass and grab the board watching as the boat gets smaller and starts to turn to come get me. Then I panic. I hear it Na Na. Na Na. Nanananananana. I start screaming inside my head. Then I continually remind myself I'm in a river. When the boat finally comes over all my friends know what just happened in my head. I go a few more times and get back in the boat. At some point someone mentions how a shark got in the river. "Oh can you believe it" blah blah. They do this everytime, but it still sticks in my head. I jump in the water for my last go around doing whichever water sport. I fall off, smack. Swimsuit out of ass, check. Grab wake board, check. Begin totally freaking out because you KNOW a shark has somehow swam up the Mississippi to come and eat you, check. This time they always take the long way back to get me. Bastards!

39. I don't like getting an oil change. I will go way over the suggested every 3000 miles. Then, I will go to a different place to get my oil change so the guys who did it last can't see in their little computor that it has been 6,000 miles since I changed my oil. I don't care what most people think about me, but the guys at the JiffyLube must think I take care of my car. I am running out of places to get my oil changed at.

40. I don't like making a list when I go to the grocery store, so we end up with 20 cans of tuna, more skinny cow ice cream than you can imagine, 3 cans of pickles, 2 lbs of deli lunch meat, 4 boxes of Total and no bread or milk. I get all bored looking through the pantry and refrigerator to find what we have and don't have. So when I need me some cerel, I have to run to Walgreens and get a gallon of milk for $10. Skywalker wants a sandwich? Walgreens, $5. I just wander through the grocery store, oohhhh Green Tea, ooohhhhhhh nutrigrain bars, I like lemonaide. I am not at all mindful of the fact that I have 5 cans of crytal light, 2 boxes of bars at home and I am too lazy to boil the water to make the tea.

"My super rebublican Dad is 50 cent's In da Club. My dad loves this song, boy can he break it down. When he calls I answer with "Hey shorty" then he says "It's my birthday" I then tell him that we are going to party like it's his birthday, then we talk like normal people"

That, right there just made me laugh ridiculously loud. I'm just picturing it and oh boy.

I'm gonna make a link to a picture of my dad for a day. It's even funnier with that.

I firmly believe you can never have too much skinny cow ice cream. Not. Possible.