Thanks you Karla for this ingenius idea. She is one of my favorites!! Who gives a rats ass about good things about me? When Karla said to look deep within myself, I did. She's right, what is there is bad.

Half the folks in Blogland have a 100 Things list, in which they detail 100 miscellaneous facts about themselves, usually along the lines of "I love to cook," and "I'm a Scorpio." I looked deep inside me, and found there's just not much there. What is there is bad. Therefore, I give you my list of 100 Things Wrong With Me. To cut down on the odds that you'll fall asleep reading it, I've broken it up into parts. (from Karla, she is brilliant)

1. I judge people by the clothes they wear. I try not to, but I do. I don't believe that people need to wear the latest trends or spend all their hard earned dough on clothes, but if you have a leather Budweiser jacket or Nascar shirts and hightop tennis shoes and you aren't on your way to a basketball game that YOU are playing, I will think you are an idiot. If you also sport some mall bangs and tight stone washed jeans I will stare at you and mumble things under my breath.

2. I treat my car like it is my own personal dumpster. If you ask me where to put your empty can of soda, I will grab it out of your hand and throw it into my backseat regardless of passengers who are wedged in back there amongst the old QT receipts, cig packs, jackets, sweaters, shoes, old fast food bags, and any animals that have decided to make it their home. I will come to your house, pick you and some friends up knowing that not all of you will fit in my car until I open the backdoor and shove everything as far to one side as I can. You may even have to sit on the lap of your friend, and I don't care if you get something sticky on you that will ruin your chances of hooking up that night. I haven't washed the outside of my car in three years.

3. I am anal about my laundry. I have 3 hampers. One for whites, one for darks, and one for the clothes Luke gets really skuzy. I wash them, put them in the dryer, and as soon as that buzzer goes off I am folding the clothes into neat piles on the huge table we bought so I can fold laundry. I refuse to put laundry away. It stays on my ginormous laundry folding table. This drives Luke nuts. I am perfectly content walking the 2 flights of stairs from our bedroom down to our basement to get dressed every morning. Luke is not. I really don't care. The only way his clothes make it to his dresser is when he does laundry. When he complains I say, "Do you own laundry."

4. I can't help "telling you so". If you come to me and ask for some type of advise and you go against said advise and things go badly, as I knew they would, I will say "I told you so". While you sit and talk and talk about how you said this and he said that, I am not listening to you. I am mentally giving myself a gold star for rightness. Yes I am. As I try to force myself not to smile at your misfortune, I am telling myself to be humble and not tell you of my all knowing wisdom. But as soon as you finish, I will blurt out that I told you so and if you just would have listened to me this would never have happened. I am amazed my friends still come to me for advise.

5. I am obsessed with my eyebrows. I get them waxed and every morning I stare in the mirror looking for the overnight grow whores. You know how you go to sleep with not one hair of regrowth and you wake up and ten have grown in. I will also look in the mirror at lunch and make sure that they are down and I have no soldier hairs standing at attention.

6. I had to put this one on here because Karla reminded me of what I put on my husband's wedding ring, read hers it's funny. People put really romantic inscribings (is that a word?) on their betrothed's wedding ring. I sat long and hard and came up with the pefect words "Love your first wife". Luke thought it was awesome, a certain person related to him who's title sounds like Nom thought it was the most terrible thing she had ever, EVER heard in her whole life. She said that I must not take marriage seriously, I told I did and that all I was doing was pointing out the obvious. I am his first wife.

7. I tell servers when they give me bad service and I don't tip them. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. I waited tables all through college and I know what kind of service to expect. If I don't get the expected service, I don't feel the need to tip them. If you wait tables you know that you need to been kind and courteous to your customers. Period. Some of my friends think I am terrible when I don't tip the girl who rolls her eyes, grunts, and storms off everytime we ask her for a refill or silverware. You know, when we ask her to do her damn job! I'm sorry, did I interupt your conversation with the busboy? I'll just eat my cold salmon with my hands. I always let them know why I'm not tipping them, doesn't that count?

8. If you and I are in line for food or checking out at any store and you stand an inch from me, I will turn around and tell you to back off. You have to be the most dense of dense for me to get to that point. First I will turn my head enough and look at you, trust me you saw me look. If you haven't moved I will take a step back and knock into you. Not so much that you fall over or anything, but enough to say "Hey, all I did was shift my weight and step back a little...move your damn ass". Should you still be staking your claim over the spot close enough for me to feel your breath on my neck, I'm talking to ya.

9. Having cash on me freaks me out. I am strickly debit or credit. When I carry cash I always feel like I have dropped some somewhere and therefore I will never see that money again. My friends and husband can't stand it when I pay for a .89 soda with my debit card. I don't care, at least I know I didn't lose that .89.

10. When I drive in traffic I never get in the lane that is moving fast and at the last minute cut into the lane I need to be in. Because of that, I refuse to let people in who do that. By refuse I mean everyday when I drive home there is a stretch of highway that has crazy traffic. When I come up to this I get off my cell, turn down the radio, throw out a cig if no is lit and stay 3 feet from the car infront of me to ensure none of those last minute fuckers get in. This guy stopped in the fast traffic lane honking and yelling to get in. I saw him get out of the lane a mile behind me and then try to cut back in. Not on my watch asshole. Then he tried to go up the shoulder and I put my car in his way. Ha, ha!

Late mergers suck. Wedding band inscription rocks. Laundry ritual impressive. Babyjewel speak in fragments.

Curse the Target parking lot lulu!
I KNOW you own it!

Babyjewels, you are right, you are so damn witty in your comments.

A big huge Amen to number 10. I cannot stand when people try to get in front of me, it's not my fault that you don't know that your exit was coming up.

I loved this! So hilarious.

I'm sure "nom" got over her displeasure... that's hysterical. And "giving myself a gold star for rightness" -- classic.

No, nom and I are not pals. But no worries.

You must give yourself gold stars, who else will?!

I am 100% with you on number 8. I even go through the same motions as you. If I can't stretch my arms out and make a full circle around my body, you're too effing close! BACK UP!!!!!!!

hi, cool blog :)
and i'm completely with you on no.8, some people have no idea of personal space, i've actually had an old man invade my queue space by constantly poking me in the back with his wizzened old finger because he felt i should of been 2 inches further forwards, i can tell you now he soon regreted that, old, young, whatever, i have enough wrath for them all ;)

Heather you are my personal space hero! Telling her you weren't pregnant, I bow to you oh personal space yoda.

Heather you rock! And I love this post! I may start making my own. There are so many things wrong with me, where to start, where to start.

Yea for Rit!

This post was gerbatulous (ger-bat-choo-lus), meaning "funny and accurate."

I just told my boss his accessment of my report was gerbatulous. You know it!

Perfect -- flaws are always way more interesting!!