Skywalker and I had plans on Sunday to go with my parents and Grandma to a Church Sausage Dinner . It was at the parish of the priest who married Luke and I. He is a very good friend of my parents and the most liberal catholic priest in the world. This is one of the reason's I love him so, we agree on politics and various things about the church. When I was sitxteen I kept getting in trouble with the nuns at my highschool as a result of papers titled "Bible Miracles, God or Science" my parents sent me to him to discuss my "crisis of faith". I explained my distain for the hypocrasy of the church throughout the years and all the rest of my idealistic views. He told me that he felt that people who question their belief system are refreshing and that I needed to search my heart and mind to find my personal relationship with God. He also said whatever I decided didn't matter because once you are catholic the church always claims you. (His sarcasm is unparalleled)

My mother is famous for running late and my dad is always in a purpetual state of annoyed. They told us to be ready between 2-3, which means 3-4. Luke eats alot. By alot I mean he ate breakfast at 9, lunch at 11 and we are going to eat a ginormous dinner at 3 or 4, so naturally we are at Jack in the box at 1:45 so he can eat 4 tacos, 2 cheeseburgers, 2 butterfinger cheesecakes and fries. My phone rings. Both of our mouths drop open. It's my mom's cell!! I answer the phone and she tells me they are on their way to the dinner with Grandma belted in and hungry for sausage. Shit! Now I have to drive our ginormous truck, which freaks the shit out of me, so Luke can eat his appetizer.

We walk up and spot my parents. My grandma has a glass of red wine. Grandma is a wee bit tipsy. We get in line for food and Luke says something to me and I tell him to shut up, jokingly. My grandma smacks me in the back of the head. "Don't you tell him to shut up, he is my favorite grandson-in-law!" My mouth is agape and My mom laughs and spits some of her beer out of her mouth. My dad says while trying not to laugh "Mom, don't hit my daughter!" My grandma says, "I always stick up for the in-laws, like Pam (my mom) and she is my favorite. I don't side with you, your brothers, your sister or my grandkids, I side with the people who marry you." Lesson #1 for the day, my grandma is a snarky drunk! My mom smiles real big and sticks her tongue out at my dad then she goes to drink her beer and a bee goes in her mouth. Karma is a bitch!

We eat our weight in sausage, sauerkraut, mashed potatoes, green beans, homemake bread and pie. Lots of pie. Luke ate the most, even though he had a whole meal a hour before. Skinny little bastard! Father comes over to us and says he will take us on a tour of the Church. It was built a couple of years ago and he oversaw it. My grandma, the devout old school catholic, is thrilled. Luke and I have went to this church when we had to take a test the Catholic church makes you take to get married in the church, especially since Luke is not catholic...gasp. I still can't believe he is her favorite and he is not catholic.

Father starts his tour. I love going into a catholic church with my husband. He has no idea what to do. He was walking with my grandma holding on to his arm. Didn't you hear, he is her favorite! We walk in and everyone grabs some holy water and does the sign of the cross. I almost forget so I take a few steps back and dab my fingers in the water just in time to hear my grandma explaining the holy water ritual to Luke. Father walks past the holy water holder, which is huge and that is probably not it's name, and points out some cards with the pope on them he just got from Rome. Father points to things, statues and stain glass windows, telling us where they were from and how they got here. I hear my grandma saying loudly that although the church is pretty and probably expensive, it is too modern for her taste. She doesn't like it, no sir. It is soooo Vatican II. Every now and again I hear my grandma explaining to Luke some catholic rule that Vatican II abolished, like going to hell because you ate meat on Fridays during Lent. Yep, she is pissed that we won't go to hell for that anymore. Luke looks confused.

We leave and drive home. We walk in the house and Luke says "Hey, what do we do with this PopeBall card?" I ask him what the hell is he talking about. PopeBall card? He pulls one of the Pope cards out of his pocket. My grandma made him take it home. She said it will help him make his choice. I just can't get the vision of the Pope swinging a baseball bat out of my head. I love my non-catholic husband! Lesson #2 for the day- My grandma is trying to bring Luke over from her version of the Dark side. I hope this doesn't mean I have to start going to church every week again?

Yes, it did. But it was tasty

i only somewhat understand the whole catholic thing, since i'm not one myself. but i think it's hilarious that your grandma loves luke so much!

and i agree, the sausage plate looked nasty.

That's a lot of meat. I like sausage and all, but damn.