For my Fantabulous Super Single weekend I went out with my mom, dad, sister and her fiance Friday and watched 8.5 hours of Laguna Beach on Saturday. Yes, I partied like I'm 80.

Friday I meet over at my parents house. My Sister, Lo, went to pick up the fiance at the airport so I was going to ride with my parents to the restaurant. I flop down on the couch and join my Dad watching TV. My 16 year old brother Joe comes running down the stairs and starts to head for the door when my Dad yells "Woa woa, get your ass over here!" (side note: my brother has been getting into major trouble with the rents, a la Rit highschool trouble. Pretty it is not) Dad "What are you doing tonight?" Joe "Hanging out with -insert friend he has not gotten in trouble with- over at -another innocent-'s house." Dad "I boobie-trapped the house and I know how many beers are in the fridge and in the garage. Don't be a dumb ass tonight." Joe "Dad, gawd, chill!" Me "Booby-trapped the house, man you guys have gotten sophisticated over years. What about wire taps on his cell?" Dad says, along with evil stare "Who's buying your dinner tonight smart ass."

Mom walks out of her bedroom "Hey, should we call ahead and make reservations?" Sees Joe "Be good tonight, seriously. Pull your pants up, no one wants to see your underwear." Joe "Gawd, you guys need to chill!" Me "Yeah, chill out you two...GAWD!" Joe "Shut Up Rit!" (side note: they really call me Rit, this one made up the nickname because he couldn't say Marissa) Me "I'm on your side Bro, you want me to buy you some beer?" Mom "RIT!" Dad "You know what! You're gonna kill me, and you don't even live here anymore." Me "How much are you worth again?" My mom just starts laughing, my dad tries not too "You are rotten." My brother has started inching out of the family room and my Dad, without missing a beat and still looking at me, points to my brother and says "I swear to god if you do anything stupid tonight, I will kill you myself. FYI, there is no telling when we will be home. Could be 4 hours, could be 20 minutes. Do you feel lucky, punk?" I cover my mouth trying not to laugh. Joe "You're a freak Dad." Dad "Yeah, but I'll kick your ass son. Love you." He leaves. My mom finally is ready. My dad gets up "It's about time, Pam!" Mom "Oh shut up."

My dad and I get in the car and wait. And wait. And wait. Dad "What could you mother possibly be doing now?" Me "Maybe she is checking all the booby-trapps." Dad "You get on my nerves." Me "Glad to know I still got it." Waiting. Waiting. My dad lays on the horn. My mom flings open the door "Stop it, I'm talking to Carolyn." Why my mom decided that this was the perfect time to talk to her best friend I will never know. My mom is notorious for being late. She is also notorious for not giving a shit about being late. Dad "I swear your mom is trying to kill me." Me "Yeah, we have decided we are going to split it when you keel." Dad "I always told you to have a plan." He honks the horn and rolls down his window yelling out of it "I'm leaving you if you don't get out here right now." He will too, he has done it plenty of times. She comes walking out of the house "Chill out Tim." Now she says to me "I'm glad to know your father is going to be foul tonight." My mouth drops open.

Off we are to eat some dinner before we go see a movie. My mom calls my brother on his cell "Seriously, don't do anything stupid and pull up your pants." My dad yells over her while she is talking "Don't be a dumb ass!" I love hanging out with my parents, they are freaking hyterical and they aren't even drunk yet. Then my mom tells my dad that he could go a better way to the restaurant we have gone to a thousand times. My dad "Pam, I know how to get there." Mom "Tim, there going to be traffic that way." You can get there many ways, each one perfectly acceptable and we have 3 hours until the movie. "TIM DON"T GO THAT WAY!" My dad continues to drive the way he wants. Me "Hey mom, how do you think dad finds his way to work without you?" Mom "Rit, there will be traffic this way." She is laughing as she says this, she knows it's a dumb arguement.

After every turn my dad makes, my mom tells him a different way to go. We arrive at the restaurant. My dad drops us off at the front. Mom "God, I hope your dad isn't that foul all night." Me "Uh, mom, I believe he may be foul because you bugged the shit out of him." Mom "Yeah, you're right." 40 minute wait. We head to the bar. By the time our table is ready my parents are two beers in. My sister and the fiance show up. Fun is had, good food is eaten. Laughs all around. The fiance asks where Skywalker is and my dad interupts me "He is hunting. Hey, Rit has he caught a deer yet?" Me "As a matter of fact yes, yes he CAUGHT a deer. He did however break a rib after he leap from the deer stand on top the deer getting the deer in a hear hug. We have named him Fred and will be keeping him in our backyard." Hunting is a strange new world for my ultra republican golfing father. Dad "Who the hell taught you to be such a smart ass?!" Me "You alright, I learned it by watching you."

We watched "Good night and Good Luck" which was a great movie. My brother didn't do anything dumb ass like. Saturday I made Kate and Ava watch 8.5 hours of Laguna Beach and Sunday Skywalker came home trumphant having killed Bambi. Life is good.

there's nothing like witnessing your parents insanity directed at younger siblings who still have to take it.

No kidding. It certainly makes me grateful. 1. That I don't live there and 2. That I get to witness it.

That was awesome-- and nice use of an 80s anti-drug commercial! I still use that line. :)

It's ok that you watched 8.5 hours of Laguna Beach, remeber tonight is the end. and this is sad.

Mystery Girl-I love to use that line, I use it often

Heather B.-I know and I can't watch it. I did get Kate addicted so she might tape it for me if she is awake.

lol! too funny of a post! Your parents sound hysterical! Caught a deer LMAO!!!

DAMN.IT. I just effing checked this blog like two seconds ago and now there are a crap ton of posts. I feel so out of the loop.

Mad Ethel-you are never out of my loop.

Your parents sound hysterical, then again, apples don't fall far from the tree, so what did I expect?