I went over to my parent's house last night to hang out with my mom and my little sis Lolo. My Dad was out of town on business, so I didn't have to hear any shit about eating his food or how is Mr. Rit going to have dinner if I'm not there to cook it. We discussed all the important things. The bridesmaid dresses, how she just finished registering, and how weird the whole Angelina & Brad thing is. My mom just can't get over the whole Billy Bob blood vile thing, well me neither. That's just plain weird.

So we are sitting on the couch, gabbing and watching E! News Daily, when the following conversation takes place:

Rit: Hey mom, I was wondering something. When dad goes out of town, do you miss him?

Mom: No, not really.

Lolo: Gasp and says "Mom!"

Rit: I figured. I mean, you guys have been married for 33 years. Do you like it when he comes back?

Mom: Sure. But it really is nice to have the down time. Or alone time. I get to watch The Bachlor on the big TV.

Lolo: Larger gasp "Mom..." This is the sibling that used to cry everytime our parents had a fight because she thought that they were going to get a divorce.

Rit: Yeah, I still miss Mr. Rit when he goes out of town. I'm so excited before he goes, but by day two I start missing him. Then he comes home and I want total control of the big TV back. Project Runway sucks on the 21 incher.

Mom: I felt the same way until we had kids. Once you have kids any alone time you get is precious. And that means alone time from EVERYONE.

Lolo: I miss fiance. That's not going to happen.

Rit: Yeah, you aren't married yet. Wait until you have the "What the hell did I do" moment.

Mom: Oh, that's fun. I cried for 3 days and asked my Dad if I could move back home. Thank god you waited until you were 27 to get married. No one should do that at 20.

Lolo: eyes huge "what are you guys talking about?" fear griping her voice.

Rit: Karen and I were just talking about it. She just had hers. See, you date and it's great. Everyone is nice, pleasant, you're in loooovvve. He gives you a ring. Then your parents spend a ton of money and you are told you are beautiful all day long. Then you wake up 8 months later, get out of bed, step on all his dirty clothes on your way downstairs to make coffee, remarking how you make it everyday, throw some cereal in a bowel, get a cup of coffee, you look over to see your husband scratching his balls asking if you made any damn coffee, and you wonder how he hid that he is a cranky asshole almost every morning until he drinks some coffee, you sit down you watch some tv and he turns on the news, you don't like the news and then it hits you...WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!?

Mom: It took you 8 months? Wow that's impressive.

Rit: I know, all my friends said so too.

Lolo: Um...

My mom and I laughed our asses off. She has no idea. I love freaking her out.

That describes my first marriage, only on the honeymoon, not at 8 months and it never went away. Until we divorced.

That's no good. Man, how horrible. Mine only lasted about 3 hours. Mr. Rit is just too much fun. And he buys me stuff.

i get that moment all the time, luckily it only lasts about 5 minutes. i love my tim.

can i be an english teacher and point out that you're putting cereal in a bowel, like a bowel movement? rit!! cereal goes in bowls.

I remember that one! As hard as I try Mr. Rit won't go to pottery barn with me...EVER!

LOL, Rit! Great post! I felt like I was sitting there listening to you guys! I laughed so hard I wanted to cry! Your poor sister! My mom still makes the "I don't know why you girls expect X or X from your men- you grew up with your father in the house! Did you already forget all the stuff he does that bugs me?" Now my dad works shift work so he's always messing up her schedule. Just when she thinks she has the house to herself for another couple of hours...he wakes up early.

That's fabulous-- I can picture your sister getting increasingly nervous... classic!

It took me about 3 months and it was when I realized I was doing all the cleaning and laundry when he used to do his own laundry and cleaning when he lived on his own. I stopped and we lived in abject filth for two weeks and he had no socks before he actually decided to do it himself. Now we split everything and it is much better.

Rit, I sent you an e-mail with my cell n stuff, and the details of the party...come with us!!!

Your poor sister! I bet her feet are getting colder by the minute.

Wow Pizzle. I can't wait until I get home around 10 tonight to read it and feel super special!!!