Anyone who is anyone watched Saved By the Bell. If you didn't you are either A. too young or B. In serious need of some Jessie Spano.

I just saw on People.com that Zack Morris is having a baby. This peaked my interest into what is going on with our other friends at Bayside High. Here they are in descending cool order.

Kelly Kapowski has her own website. We all know she played a total bitch on 90210, but just what has our dear Kelly been up to lately? Well, looking over her site it seems she has started to direct and her little film has won some awards. Why am I totally surprised? Good for Kelly.

Lisa Turtle was hard. She has no website of her own, but I did learn that she is a Jehova Witness and had parts of Days of our Lives and The Bold and the Beautiful that she quit when she realised she would have to do sex scenes. This apparently goes against her beliefs. That is very un-Lisa Turtle like.

Naturally AC Slater has his own website. He's such a tool. He was on Pacific Blue and is now on ESPN Hollywood. He was also married to the Dorritos Girl, Aly Landry for like a minute. She found out he was a cheating bastard. Cool points way down AC. What would Jessie say?

Screech. I loved Screech. Well, pretty much until he did Saved By the Bell the new class. It was downhill from there. Celebrity Boxing against Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter, not the best idea. He is doing stand up comedy and I am very sad that his website, and this is right no joking, trustthedust.com is not yet up and running. Here is an interview with him in April of 2005. A few notables from the interview. Mike D from the Beasty Boys is not his brother and Neil Diamond is not there dad. (I have totally helped perpetuate that rumor since highschool) And he likes chess and computors and says it is hard for people to see him as anything but the nerd character he played. Um, ok.

Jessie Spano, thank you for teaching me not to get strung out on diet pills. You my friend are a talent. I think we all remember Showgirls. Nuff said.

Remember the one about how Screech died by drinking pop rocks and a pepsi. Genius.

AC Slater cheating on Aly Landry will go down as one of the greatest WTF? moments in history. Right alongside that song "How Do You Talk To An Angel" from the show "The Heights."

I always heard that Mike D. was the dad never heard the brother or the Neil thing...

Kelly's mom and step-dad own a restaurant in Austin I used to pass on my way to jr. college every day. It's called Threadgill's.

Weird about Lisa- I had no idea.

Didn't know about Slater and the Doritos girl- couldn't get past the ESPN stuff and the Greg Louganis thing...

I don't remember this chick of Mark/Zach's having a bit part. I'm sick of the older women/younger man thing, too... she should get a bindi like Britney's while she's at it... oops, I typed "at it" and my dyslexic fingers messed up the spacebar so it looked like I said "a tit". Thought you might like that to be included- love the "titties!" thing, BTW. It makes me laugh.

You skipped out when Screech had a small part in "Made" with Vinny Vaughn and John Favreau. They were trying to get into a club. "Check Cardiff Giant." The dude wouldn't let them in, even though Puff Daddy told them to meet him there. Then, Screech walks by, and the bouncer goes, "Dude, you been workin out?" while giving Screech a high five. To which Screech replies (while feeling his "Chess Muscles") "Yeah, a little bit," and the bouncer lets him in. Then, Vinny goes, "He let...you just let...he just let fucking Screech into the club." Then he grabs the clipboard and goes apeshit. Classic.

I used to watch SBTB on TBS at like 2:45. Wierd time to start a show.

Did you know that it started from an HBO show called "Good Morning Miss Bliss," which I also watched before switching to SBTB.

Long post. Like fuckin Dirk Diggler.

I remember Good Morning Miss Bliss, but I remember it being on NBC or something on Saturday mornings.

Also, I have to say, Rit, I'm impressed with the research you've put into this post. You're a real investigative journalist.

Zack's wife played "Sorority Girl" on SBTB: The College Years.

From IMDB:

Originally produced for The Disney Channel, "Good Morning Miss Bliss" was the brainchild of NBC President Brandon Tartikoff, who couldn't get the idea past his own network's executive board. When Disney canceled the show, Tartikoff persuaded the other NBC executives to give the show a chance, and it was reborn as "Saved By The Bell", the most successful teenage-geared show of all time.

The MOST SUCCESSFUL TEENAGE-GEARED SHOW OF ALL TIME. Of course it was.

My all time favorite was the SBTB: Wedding in Las Vegas TV movie. When Zack and Kelly got married.

Thanks, It's really hard hitting news that I'm all about.

In other news there has been a rash of home invasions in the neighborhood I work in. One woman was beaten. I hear a ton of sirens and then this kid run pass my window. I run out of my office and up to the front and lock my door as there are now police on foot. I see him run up to my door and try to open it, the guys from the restaurant next door running toward him. He bolts across the street and into a grocery store parking lot where police surround him and take him away.

I can't stop seeing this scared 19 kid's face. He looks strung out. I can't stop crying. (this really happened about 20 minutes ago)

PS. Sorry to be a downer. Hurry up, someone tell me a joke about poop or something. Mr. Rit won't answer his phone!

Nice on the hustle guys.

(I'm ok. I looked at Tim's Starburst Porn)

I knew Miss Bliss was on Disney!

Rit: Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

Or:
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

:)

But this one is a classic:

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

or this one:
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I’m telling everybody!"

and finally:
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

I can't deside which on is my favorite? Ummmmm, the allegator. Anything with genitals I like. Kinda like Babyjewels.

Thanks, Jacob. I just talked to Mr. Rit and we are both thanking the sweet lord above I locked the door.

Are we talking the door to your house or at work?

At work. I am all by myself today.

Although I have been working out lately, so if the kid would have tried anything I could have Tae bo'd him to death.

Mario's website says he is one of hollywoods young up and coming actors. Wow.

I believe everything I read, so this is helpful information.

No, I am! I am no hollerback girl!

Um, Rit, I'm so sorry. I wish I'd been over here yesterday when all this happened. You must have been terrified; thank god you locked the door. I hope you're feeling better today.

Jacob, you really came through with the jokes, you sweet blogger.

I prefer the one about the fuckin' french toast. Classic.

The double negatives really mess me up too. That silly Gwen.

we were talking about SBTB at work yesterday! someone saw that article about zach morris having another baby, and we all started fondly remembering the best SBTB moments. primarily jessie and the sleeping pills.
SBTB still comes on in the mornings on TBS. sometimes when i get sick of katie & matt i'll turn that on instead while i get ready. i still feel 13.

Who here owns the Showgirls Special Edition DVD...raise you hand!!