Every couple in Hollywood has broken up. Oh, except Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.

What the hell is going on. I know that a "marriage" in Hollywood definately earns the air quotes but what in the divorce lawyer is going on. Nicole Ritchie and DJ AM are dunzo, and I really didn't see that one coming. Heather Locklear/Ritchie Sambora, Kathy Griffith/Matt (who may be getting back together) Jessica Simpson/Nick, Valerie Bertanelli/Eddie Van Halen, the two from One Tree Hill, and others.

My real question is why the people that really should be breaking up have not. Britney Spears and Kevin "Earl" Federline.

Dear Britney,

He's trash. You're not as trashy as him. As Tammy Wynnette would say D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Love,
Rit

Nicole Ritchie. I hadn't heard that one. I loved Kathi's reality show with her husband Matt. I was surprised to hear they were getting divorced because they really seemed to get along so well.

I think Brit's mom wrote her the same letter.

On top of that, Christina Applegate and Jonathan Scaech are calling it quits! What is happening?

I'm not going to lie to you people. I haven't been the same since Rebecca Romjin left Uncle Jesse for the fat kid from Stand By Me.

Yeah, that was bad. Real bad. Good thing we have celebs like TinaPopo & Andre, BabyJewels & Mr. Jewels, and Rit & Skywalker to keep up the sanctity of marriage.

What's next though, Tommy Lee & Pam, wait...

Mr. Jewels's name is Mike.

I'm like Magnum, P.I., without the moustache or Hawaiian shirt.

Yes, Rit & Skywalker did that 6 years ago, then we broke up. Then we saw each other a couple years later, then he got on one knee, we shacked up again and got hitched. It's like my mommy always told me it was gonna be like.

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Andre and I were also shackers. So far it hasn't killed us.

I've decided it's the new trend. Like the next hot line of shoes or bags or jewelry. Once somebody starts the divorce-thing, everyone else HAS to get one, too. It's also known as the "I haven't been in the news for a while...what else can I do to get noticed some more?" syndrome. They've done everything else- now it's time for splitsville. Next stop, new hookups or reuinions. Wait until the next slow news day.

But I agree with popo about the Rebecca/Uncle Jesse thing. When that couple split up, I gave up on all other celeb/celeb pairings. Jen Garner and Scott Foley were my other "hope they last" pairing, but when they split and then Nick and Jess, I knew it was all over. Those were my 3 picks for people I actually believed could make it. Shame on me...