How do you kill your wife from jail when you are in jail for trying to kill your wife? Talk to other inmates about finding a hitman, then they roll on you, and you end up hiring a cop who then takes this fake death picture of your wife to show you and you sign a bill of sale for your car for "services rendered" to a freakin' hitman/cop, all the while thinking you are totally good ...aaahhhhhhhh! Idiots make my head hurt. Here is the full story on the smoking gun
Also their last name is Hoar. I hope they don't have kids.

Does Eva still think she is in pagents with her swimsuit competition outfit? Is Paris now her stylist. Come on, what was up with the ladies at the VMAs. TinaPoPo commented on the Jessica Simpson nightmare on her blog. I believe we have no one to blame but Diddy.

People, is anyone else wondering what else was in the swag bags besides juicy couture clothing?

I think that is what he is telling my husband! I love my Dad. I used to think I was Daddy's little girl, but I'm starting to wonder. On my wedding day, my Mom told me that she caught my Dad crying several times the week before the big day. He had the flu that week, but I refuse to believe she could have mistaken sickness and watery eyes for tears.(that's big, I have never seen my Dad cry) So he came in the room we were getting ready in, kissed me, told me how beautiful I was and hightailed it out of there. I cried, my mom cried, my sis cried, even my bridesmaids had tears in their eyes. It could have been from all of my chain-smoking, but I insist it was from my moving moment. He would take me out of the will if he knew I put this on the internet. Seriously! He's one of those man's men. When I was in third grade and sprained my ankle he still made me play in my soccer game. He said there are no pansies in this family.

My sister is now engaged. Oh my poor, poor, probably going to be poor from paying for two weddings in a year and a half father. At least once a week I go over there for dinner. I'll do anything not to cook. So last night I'm lounging on their couch when my Dad comes home from work. He walks in, sees me and says "Didn't I pay a bunch of money to not have to feed you dinner anymore?" and "What is Luke doing, don't you feed him?" I laugh, because this is certainly not the first time he has said this. Actually, he says something like this everytime I'm over there. Huh? This is what starts running through my head as we go through the same little banter. "Well Dad, I left him a map to the refrigerator, he should be good." Dad "Huh, just wondering what it takes to get an empty nest." Me "Hey you should of thought of that before you had 4 kids." (I'm the oldest) My dad shoots me a dirty look trying not to smile combo and goes in his office.

We eat dinner, look through a bunch of wedding mags oooing and aweing over flowers, dresses, blah, blah. My dad has a look of "good god not again" & dollar signs flash in his eyes with every "Oh, that is AMAZING" that my 'over-the-top wedding' mother utters. As I leave he says, "So are you cooking for us next week or what, your last name is different so I don't have to feed you" I say "Oh shut up, you love it when I'm here and besides, you don't want to eat my cooking." He trys not to smile and yells "Then bring take out!" turns, and walks in the house. Awe, in my Dad's world he just told me he loved me.

Katrina and Ivan are on my friend Lacey's shit list. She and her husband were married in September 2004 and planned on going to Florida for their honeymoon. Ivan wiped out their non-refundable honeymoon bliss and they had to go to Branson. If you have never heard of Branson, Missouri see above pictures and think Las Vegas for white trash hoosiers. She was pissed to say the very least.

So they decided to spend this week in New Orleans for their anniversary. Let's just say when I asked her to give me their itinerary for future trips so I can warn the towns...she was not ready for joking. Well, and asking her if they were going to see Yokov again didn't help either.

No really, I think the show's producers might actually be asking us to. According to the radar the Cast members non-airable behavior was skanktastic! Apparently golden showers make people happy and Clay Aiken's bread is buttered by Emeril not Martha. But really folks, who doesn't do lines off a crazy hoe's stomach?

Paris, Paris. When will she go away, get married and have those babies she promised us?

My husband just called and asked me to call his doctor to set up an appointment for him. Huh? It is like this with ordering Pizza too! Before we got married, did he just wait for the Dr. to call and tell him to come in? Did pizza delivery men randomly stop by his house to see if he or his roomates were hungry? Everytime my boss wants chinese food he will ask me to order it for him. He gets his own coffee but can't speak to the lady who tells us "ten minute be done!"

Can men not speak to strangers on the phone unless it is for business?

Gas Thief Escapes on Tricycle (no, not a joke)

I just stumbled across this website. Hurry Ching Lai, hurry!!

We love that Starbucks!!!

So, we were married six months ago and it's been interesting living with a boy! I always knew guys and girls were different, but Mars and Venus we are my friends. This weekend was another reminder of just how funny men can be.

After a late night of poker playing with my husband's guys (I kicked butt by the way), Sunday was to be Domestic Goddess Day. You know, I roll out of bed around 10 a.m., drink a whole pot of coffee, and clean-do laundry, make dinner, do some crafts that Martha Stewart suggests are easy, etc. My husband informs me that his buddy Todd is coming over and they are going to build a picnic table in our backyard today. Six months ago I might have inquired Why? Who is it for? Why don't you just BUY one?, but that was six months ago...I don't question anymore.

Todd rolls in our house around 11:00 am and off they go to Lowe's. I clean and start some laundry, then get bored and call my friend Holly who is bored too and tell her to come over. I never make plans on Sunday's because it is "cleaning" day, but I always end up doing something.

An hour and a half later they roll up with wood in the truck and the excitement to create things with their hands. Apparently this can only be done if both men are shirtless, have baseball hats on backwards, and a tool belt around their waists. Saws and hammers and other things I don't care to know the name of are situated. Then the first snag. One thing I was not aware of when I got married was that I am now the house inventory keeper. I am laying on our family room floor wishing Holly would get over here because as much fun as Laguna Beach is...I have already seen these episodes and I am 28 years old and starting to feel some shame when, it happens. I hear the sliding glass door open and cringe "Uh, Babe where are our extension cords?" Why? Why am I now suppose to know where his shoes, keys, cell phone, and the now the extension cords are at?! I yell back that I don't know, as usual I have no idea where his stuff is.

Now they are off to go borrow an extension code from another friend. They get back a half hour later. It is now 1:30 and not a nail has been hammered. Every time Holly and I step outside, it seems as if all they are doing is talking and hand gesturing wildly to each other. We hear some sawing and various other noices and figure progress is being made. Sliding door movement, talking in my kitchen. I walk in to see them deep in thought staring at our kitchen table. Whatever, Holl and I go outside to smoke. Outside we see what is a very tall wood table and wonder what is going on in my kitchen. Twenty minutes of my husband moving a peice of wood while Todd tells him where to move it and Holl decides to ask a question. I mutter under my breath for her to stop...but it is too late. "What are you two trying to figure out?" They answer that they think the table MIGHT be a little too tall and they are trying to figure out where to connect the bench to the table. Then my unmarried friend turns to me and says that they should just go grab a kitchen chair, put it up to the bench and measure it that way. I say "Just walk away Holl, walk away!" She does not and after she shares her advice, she is stared at blankly by two grown man who then turn back to their project as if she never spoke.

Finally after more banging, sawing noices, and one more trip to Lowe's...we hear silence. It is 6:30 pm. We walk outside and are amazed to see a beautiful looking picnic table and two very proud men pointing at it. All that was missing was a tah dah. As we are sitting around the picnic table Holl askes them how much they saved building this table instead of buying it. Oh sweet little Holly! They saw one two feet shorter at Lowe's for $69.99.

Wood $140, Air-conditioning let out of my house because they plugged the extension cord in through our kitchen window for 5 1/2 hours $20, Nails $3.00, Copious amounts of gateraid $10.00, BBQ I fed them after job well done $40.00...being shirtless and sweaty with a buddy while wearing a tool belt and creating an object we can now tell the rest of the male world that we made...PRICELESS!

So, I now have a blog and I thought I would give you a little story of how this little blog came to be. I really hope this goes better than when my mom told my little brother he was a "Happy Suprise".

I do not like blogs. Gasp! I read one once and it was a combination of sad, crazy, and pathetic that made me want to take a Prozac. So with that and my fear of being fired for reading or creating one...no blog for me.

One day while I was trying my best to look busy at work, pretending to read the Wallstreet Journal online (eonline.com), I stumbled upon freekatie.net. Low and behold I was transported to TinaPoPo and Friends, thus smashing my belief that blogs are dumb and learning that actually... Blogs=Fun!

This was created simply to comment on TinaPoPo's blog, but now I can possibly look busy at work while having fun.

Happy Blogging!